I had the great pleasure to attend a SwitchthePlay Foundation (STP) Changing lives in sport | Switch The Play team day last week. The charity doesn’t have an office and the ‘Home Team’ and the Associates called ‘TEAMmates’ that work to help performance athletes transition from their sport are spread across the UK. We are all connected because of our commitment to the charitable purpose through our own experiences. However that connection only takes us so far and for me ‘in-person, in the room meetings’ give nourishment and encouragement that virtual meetings can’t give, because of the collective energy they create. Therefore it was important for me to be there as a team member, however I had no idea just how helpful it was going to be for me.
I have attended many gatherings of this nature before but this one not only fulfilled the aim of discussing the work of STP going forwards, but it also was a day of recognition and personal development for me. A timely reminder that whatever your age and whatever your qualifications or experience every day can be a school day if you want it to be.
Stevie Ward – a fellow STP TEAMmate, business coach and former captain of Leeds Rhinos rugby league team – opened the session by asking us all to use two words to describe how we were feeling in that moment and to commit to the day by saying ‘I’m in’. The two words I said spontaneously were ‘peaceful’ and ‘curious.’ So that made me reflective because whilst I’ve sometimes felt like that before it has often only been in fleeting moments and the two words I’d have usually said would have been something like ‘anxious,’ ‘chaotic,’ ‘stressed,’ or similar if I was being honest. And I’d have said those on relatively ‘good days’ too. But this state of feeling peaceful and curious has been around for a while now and Stevie’s opening session created a safe space for me that made me not only ask the question ‘why?’, but help me to find the answer.
Stevie was followed by Natalie Alleston – another TEAMmate, psychologist and former professional dancer – who explained to us about the Ventral Vagal System and its link to emotional safety and connection. Nat was brilliant – “this was science Jim but not as you know it” to adapt a well-known phrase – so I understood and related to the science. The essence of the model she described was three different emotional states based on feeling degrees of emotional threat. Until probably 2 years ago I was a perfectly capable functioning human being performing my role as a family member and as a professional businessman, however, I would in retrospect have described my true self as ‘frozen’ – beyond the capability to think about ‘fight or flight’. But due to an unexpected change in my personal circumstances – my wife and I separated – I began an emotional thaw.
Nat’s presentation referred to ‘safety cues’ – context, connection, and choice. I now realise the consequence (context) of being in an unhappy relationship was to feel emotionally frozen – I couldn’t give or receive a connection on an emotional level.
The separation forced me to make a choice and mine was that I didn’t want to remain (literally) one man and his dog. Hard as it may be at my ripe old age I wanted to find someone to share my life with and be a true partner for. Before I could work out who I might match with I had to work out who I was first. I had to reconnect with myself. That was hard and I have Richard Husseiney from MenBehindSport Guiding the Men Behind Sport to thank for walking with me on this difficult path. Having connected with myself I then could decide, whilst not literally fight or flight, on where to live – should I stay in Sussex or move to another part of the country? I decided as I’d lived half my life in Sussex, I felt connected to the area and eventually moved to a new house 4 miles away. I’d started to make choices based on my emotional connection so that I could then hopefully find a new context for this version of me. Crucial to this was finding someone to be with physically and emotionally. I now felt in a safe enough place to become as vulnerable as I think I’ve ever been. I started using dating apps.
This wasn’t easy, and I had the same challenges as everyone else that don’t need repeating here – but do make for good story telling! The experience challenged my self-esteem and confidence which had been at a very low ebb and the optimism of meeting someone was constantly under threat. But then, I clicked and I now find myself in a partnership that I knew was out there. I’m grateful but know I can and won’t ever take this for granted. I’m in.
Prior to the STP meeting I was with my family to share my son’s birthday. Those that mattered to me most were there – my daughter, son in law, daughter in law and grandson. One of my core values is about family so, I was still buzzing from being with them. I’d also seen my partner on my return from the North and a day later it was the STP day. The environment I’d been in made me peaceful and when I’m like that my mind is always curious and interested in what’s going on and the people around me.
I have my family, my home, and my partner as anchor points. I also have my purpose thanks to the help I got from Richard Husseiney. Peaceful and curious sums me up and long may it continue.
STP already has an established reputation for helping many athletes deal with transition from their sport but thanks to increased funding from the Jacobs Futura Foundation | A Philanthropic Foundation Aiming for Lasting Impact has been able to revise the charity’s strategy so it can have a broader more sustainable impact. As well as the importance of connection – especially with new colleagues – the day was spent discussing how we are going to operate in 2026. Critical to this was the planned work to give the TEAMmates more CPD that will benefit them personally as well as the athletes we work with.
The reflection at the start of the day made me realise that we all make many transitions in our lives and I’ve made several challenging ones during 2025. So the day made me realise STP and the TEAMmates have a more enabling role to play as we work with individuals – who happen to be, or have been, athletes preparing for their immediate career transitions. But we build resilience and connections not just for the here and now but also lay foundations for other transitions to come in their lives.
I am proud to work with the charity and the colleagues around me. This is one of my many connections that enable me to be peaceful and curious. I’m in.